How To Clean for the Holidays

The secret is in the presentation.

-Winter inspires change for me because Christmas is coming. I begin cleaning like a cavewoman tossing out the bones of autumn. This tidy-up frenzy begins with Advent and ends with Christmas.

My family doesn’t notice when I’ve cleaned (nor do they notice when I've cut my hair, weeded flower beds, or been published.) I believe this is typical of most relatives who only say something when it impacts their lives. Here are easy tips to speed you to sanitation success:
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• Make sure Winter Cleaning Throws the Household into a Tizzy.

The ladder, vacuum, and tub of supplies remain in full display as I inch from room to room.
(Tip #1: It’s important to get full credit for doing mind-fracturing boring tasks—leave evidence the family will trip over.)

• ​Skip Cooking

​ Huffing the hair out of my face and adding a depression-era stare, I say,  “I haven’t had time to cook. I have a can of beanie-weenies I can open.” The goal here is to not fix meals during these 4 weeks. If you’ve bought enough banana-guacamole and beanie-weenies this is possible.
(Tip #2: You must be consistent for the retraining to work!!! Always offer, sorry-sad cuisine during cleaning-times and children will eat with friends, and your significant other will learn to stop by the deli and bring food home.)​

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• Remind Complainers that Cleaning is Mandated by the Solar System.

a)   On earth, nature does an annual scour by pouring floods, hail, and wind to shake loose and blow away what it can. 
b)    On a larger level, God made black holes to suck up the extra bits and bobs of the Universe.
c)    You must respond to the ancient call of planetary sanitation. It’s in your chromosome (Pick X or Y, your choice. Make it work for you.)

• After 20 days, Ask for Items Which Would Make This Onerous Task Easier.

 I’m shooting for an Apple watch this year.
(Tip #3: Don’t get a new Super Swiffer or some labor-saving device. ARE YOU CRAZY? Ask for stuff that's a big carrot to get through 4 weeks of scrubbing.  Think Hawaii.)

• If you finish ahead of schedule...

.WHooPEE!!! Now you’ll have time to visit the Museum of Clean in Pocatello Idaho. They promise inspiring moments, like the rocking-chair-powered vacuum cleaner, which didn't capture dirt, but did a fine job of redistributing it.
It will remind you...that like death and taxes, eventualy, ALL of us have to  answer the call to clean…sometimes change is good.

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